Flirting without flirting is actually easier than you think. It took me quite a bit of time, though, to learn how to flirt, and I was hearing the metaphorical sounds of “krash kaboom” echoing after every attempt.
If you are an introvert or simply come from a “shy” country, the process that we call flirting goes as follows: identifying a gorgeous creature of the opposite sex (or same 🙂 ) and then succeeding in the gargantuan task of attracting their attention, letting them know you are interested, and having it lead to affirmative action – in other words, with you or him making the first move. (In some cases, we are lucky to have wingmen/women who break the ice.)
I had my breakthrough many years ago. Being really tired after my day of work, I didn’t have the energy to go out, but my well-intentioned friends convinced me it was an absolute must.
It must have been a combination of exhaustion and surrender that I clicked into a state where I just didn’t care to play the game. I didn’t scout out, and I didn’t scan the room. I just allow myself to be there, show up, relax and hang out. I turned on a magic frequency I didn’t even know about and as midnight struck, I turned into a Man Magnet.
I just held my space and everyone who came into my zone received an open, natural, friendly, kind greeting. I was nice to everyone, not just the sexy heartthrobs. On the way home, my girlfriends broke into a discussion about it. They asked me, “What were you doing to attract so many people to you?” I boiled it down to these three things:
1) I had no agenda.
2) I wasn’t trying to please anyone.
3) I was being myself.
I realized over the years that having an agenda with people makes them feel you are not trustworthy. Trying to please or deliberately attract another to fulfill that agenda feels, well, trying! It’s strained. Trying and strained is not sexy. Relaxed, confident and authentic is way sexier. Actually, what it really is… is magnetic. The kind of magnetic that makes people want to be you, follow you, jump into the seat next to you. It’s a wholesome radiance that only you being yourself can ever really put out. There is no way to trick this system.
So, to take things a little deeper, here we are:
1) Be open, friendly and cool with EVERYONE, not just your crush. This way you transform your general style into that which resembles flirting, except you won’t be flirting, you’ll just be being. I believe we are all friends. If we approach someone as a friend, more than likely, he’ll trust you instantly.
2) Use your intuition. When you meet someone you like, tune in to them. Notice something cool about them, and then create an opportunity to connect about it. For example, if you are sitting next to an “indie music” type of guy at the airport, play some music that helps you tune in to their vibe. More than likely, he’ll feel your vibes. Go a step further and show him low-pressure ways in which he can connect with you by having something to talk to you about, or do it yourself. Remember, the key to success is a keen sense of observation with a genuine instinct to connect with a “friend.”
3) Don’t play city games. Like when you are totally not interested in someone and yet you keep dangling a carrot and they keep showering you with attention and affection. Do yourself a favor and kiss ‘em goodbye. Again, it’s a matter of trust. Everyone feels it. Why bother! It’s so outdated, if you ask me.
4) Check your posture. Exude a nice, confident, happy vibe. Be comfortable in your skin. If you are not feeling comfortable in your skin naturally by shifting your attention, that’s OK. It’s important to just stay authentic. I am here to help 😉 – sign up for the FREE webinar to find out more.
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